Disregarding the last man I had in my life for those whole two seconds, this is the longest I've been single. It was extremely hard for me at first and with this new rule for 2012 I've made for myself (to stay open-minded) but I've found things to be a lot easier. For the first time in my life I KNOW I DON'T need a man in my life to be happy. I love where my life is at and my mentality about dating. I wish I was this way before all the yearly heartbreaks.
Before this reality of not needing a man hit me, I had been torn down and made into some insecure creature that was close-minded and angry towards the opposite sex. In reality, I love men. I don't need them... but I love them. I love how crazy one person can make me. I love that feeling of being wanted, the security while lying in their arms and that bubbly feeling only someone really special could give me.
Just like us females, men have the ability to take control of our emotions, whether we want them to or not. They make us happy, strong, bashful, etc., with the ability to crush you and make you feel weak the very next second. All in all, just like life, love WILL be a roller coaster. It's going to have its days where it drops.
I'm single as of right now because I'd rather face my roller coaster of life and love alone than share my TWO seated ride with the UNSURE. I feel as if I have so much going on in my life that most men will not understand and I don't feel that finding someone to completely accept the person I am, for now, would be very easy. Now, I'm not saying I would mind someone holding my hand through all of this but I'm not mentally prepared to just let just anyone into my life again.
I've mistaken my own goal of the year to remain open-minded, by jumping into a two-second relationship hoping I would be proven wrong and shown that love can and will exist for me. In reality, the best things in life don't need to be PROVEN to us. We should just feel when it's right and trust our instincts. Someone shouldn't have to prove themselves to me. They shouldn't have to try and show me all they can offer. I should just see it naturally. And that's what I'll have open eyes for once my heart is crazy glued back together. Like I've said, the pieces are there I'm just taking my time putting it back together.
OTN: Stay single until you know you’re completely ready. You don't want a partner for your roller coaster ride to be the guy who's waving his hands up screaming carelessly at a sight of a drop. YOU want the guy who's going to hold your hand through it and smile with you once the scary parts are over.
- Steph Aeillo